A little over a year ago, I made a vow to be celibate, and I have been faithful to that decision. I’m not convicted in a religious aspect; I honestly don’t believe sex is a sin, in any form between willing partners, for my readers who lean to conservative sides of their particular brand of worship, I respect your views, but I don’t share them. I’ve decided to continue the practice again through 2014.
I have high respect for women. Most of the time, I’m saddened to discover most don’t have a high respect for themselves. I have enjoyed the building of relationships with women while knowing that I’m not seeking to gain any favor from them sexually, even when drinking and flirtatious, I know I’m going home alone; though I like the attention, my intentions keep me from becoming someone I don’t want to be, prevent me from finding myself in a relationship that was probably built under false pretenses by both parties pretending to be something more than they are and can’t possibly maintain. ( Yes, men, if you pretend she is your whole world in the beginning, then don’t expect it to stand the test of time, if you don’t maintain that devotion to the end. Which means no matter what she did, didn’t do, or should of done, if you changed, I have no sympathy for the failure of that relationship; it’s your fault! If you remain consistent, then we look elsewhere for reason for the failure. Most people, including women don’t understand if you don’t start looking for the why within you, then your blame is almost always misplaced; there are exceptions, but trust me, most of us, ain’t one of those. The ones that argue the loudest usually blame every failed relationship on their partner.)
I have every intention of entering into a relationship again at some point in my life. I’m heterosexual, so my preference is women, and I know what I find attractive and what I don’t. I don’t expect a women to change for me, so I don’t pretend they will. The ability to be comfortable alone, to enjoy ones own company is definitely a plus in maintaining a single life; so often I see desperation for company become the foundation for a compromise in what someone really desires, needs, or wants in a relationship. The vacuum within becomes the drive that insists we consider those who show any degree of interest, and at least some qualities of what we think we want. I don’t miss that; and celibacy has helped me to acquire.
How would that help? Well, it’s becoming stronger than the ID, more decisive than our basest instincts, and emotionally secure in who we are alone. If I know I’m going to keep relationships on slow pace, and allow me to see who a person is before either of us get to experience that rapture of sexual intensity, then I allow those who have no patience for such things to pass through my life and keep going along their path, with no added scars to mine, and those that do, we can discover together if we actually have more than a physical attraction to each other and something we can build on.
I don’t believe people need to be married, nor do I think they have to be monogamous; I have to be monogamous, because I have decided sex deserves a place of some reverence in a relationship, and I have chosen this for my own reasons, some were discussed above. Many people I know have different views, and I don’t disparage them for that; I’m not claiming this is the right course for everyone, but I am saying it is the right course for the female in my intimate future. I can say that with certainty because I’m willing to live alone the rest of my life if I don’t happen to find her, and I’m okay with that. I had to learn this about me before I ever decided celibacy was an option, otherwise celibacy becomes a burden and a rule that will push us into a decision because we want the intimacy now, and the rule is in the way. This ain’t my rule, it’s who I am, and that is why it is okay for me.