A little quiet music, a small fire, but it’s a little dark, …open the shades as the snow dusts the air and covers the sins of the day (I swear anything can regain virginity when the past is erased from the view of others.)
I’m pondering a question: “What kind of writer should I be?” I can set a course, whether the universe will bend to my will, or fight it is questionable, but I have to consider who I am and how that effects my works, my prose, and my destiny. Money, has never been a big motivation in my life. Yes, I need it to meet my daily needs to survive, but I don’t chase it…and I’ve been punching this fantasy, which is a well dreamed about story that has great potential, but really isn’t my pursuit. I don’t care if I become world famous, or become the next Stephen King, James Patterson, or whoever….I don’t care if I am that guy…I care about the story, and I care about what I have to say. I want to be a good writer! I want people to read my works years from their origin not because it was a best seller, but because it’s that goddamn good! I’m sorry, best selling today, does not mean it’s good, it just means it sells! And the story I’ve been trying so hard to write…is a genre, I know but…when it comes down to it…it ain’t about the story…I’m writing because I think it will sell.
I know people don’t agree with me. And it seems absurd when I consider that I don’t have much, and have been literally living hand to mouth, and the benefit of many good friends…I’m not tossing my efforts out the window, I want to put my works thus far on hiatus while I pursue another story line. I desire to write Literary Fiction, something that speaks at multiple levels rather than just a story!
I know I can do this! I believe in my ability to not only tell a story, but to bring something to the venue that speaks to variety of people and taps into Truths that need to be shared. Yes, I’m contemplating this and working this out as write this piece for my blog. That’s what I do, teach myself, learn, choose, and act, as I write here.
I may still yet write my epic saga at some point, but for right now…it doesn’t speak to me. If I have to force myself to write, it’s never something I want to attach my name too. I desire to be known for the works that have to be put to paper, that have to be written, lest I fall into despair when they are not. That is my choice today…I will write, but not for others…I will write for myself…and, in so doing, I will achieve what I seek; I will become a worthy writer to be read.